Author: Where My Feet Are

Arriving in San Francisco was surreal. Driving over the Bay Bridge I was excitedly anticipating seeing the Golden Gate Bridge which didn’t happen until the next day…

I was driving to a new sports medicine doctor for my nagging running injury and knew I was heading in the general direction of the bridge.  As I was turning right at a stop sign I looked to my left and saw it; great big burnt red iron pillars rising into the dense fog.  I could barely even see as high as the road platform, nevermind the top but I immediately yelled out in joy and then started crying…hard.

The bridge symbolized so much for me.  It was quintessential California and I had made it.  I never thought I’d get here, not before or even during this trip did I think I’d actually have my feet on California soil.  It was a magnificent feeling.  It was a symbol of all the hard work I’ve put in not only in the last 8 months but in my life.

I arrived at the doctor’s office with tears in my eyes and told the receptionist and the doctor that I just saw the Golden Gate Bridge for the first time.  I had to say it out loud to process it… and they shared in my excitement. 

San Francisco has perfect running weather: 60-70 degrees and overcast.  I ran in Golden Gate State Park as often as my injury allowed.  The park is enormous and I wish I could have gotten through more of it.  One day while running I stopped to take a picture of a giant peace sign painted on a pathway intersection and a homeless man saw me.  As I jogged past he smiled and held up his hand in a peace sign and I held mine up in response. 

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A high school friend in San Fran told me I needed to try Philz Coffee while here.  The first day I wasn’t working I got myself a Philtered Soul which is their signature pour-over coffee with hazelnut – hell yes.  In my decision to try this specific blend I was also deciding to have caffeinated coffee which I usually stay away from if I’m anxious. 

I drove by the famous Cliff House (which closed permanently during COVID) and drank my delicious coffee looking out at the beach and the Pacific Ocean.  I drove along the cliff towards the Golden Gate Bridge and stopped in the Presidio to take pictures of the bridge and Alcatraz island.

Unfortunately, the caffeine ended up being a bad idea and not only did I have intense anxiety that day but several days after.

I also tried a bunch of other coffee places- Rival, Wooden, Wake Cup, Cantata, Lava Java- in my opinion Philz is the best.

Apparently you can’t talk about San Francisco without also talking about parking, and more specifically about car break-ins.  Before arriving I knew that car break-ins were a regular occurance here.  I knew I would have to unload everything in my car into my AirBnB including off-season clothes and souvenir boxes that I usually don’t bring in.  I knew I would have to pay to park in a lot and even then it’s a big risk.

Throughout my time my car was a little over half a mile from my AirBnB so anytime I wanted to use it I had to walk there and then park and walk back after.  Every single time I approached my car I would hold my breath and check for broken windows.  It is a terrible feeling. 

The parking prevented me from exploring as much as I would like because due to COVID cases rising in California I wasn’t comfortable taking ubers or public transit and I was so worried about parking anywhere. 

I would have driven to different places to run both further into Golden Gate park and other places like the Presidio but due to how touristy those places are the risk is also much higher.  

During my last week, I noticed that the very first bumper sticker I got on this trip (given to me by Liz in Naples) had been stolen off my cargo pack.  It’s a small loss that doesn’t compare to a break-in (and I’ve already ordered a new one) but is still disheartening.  

I spent an afternoon driving around Chinatown searching for parking to check out City Lights Booksellers.  I never found a spot but it was cool to see this famous neighborhood. 

My AirBnB was super cute- I loved it as soon as I arrived.  It is right on Ashbury Street; the Grateful Dead house is 2 doors down and Haight street is a couple blocks away.  I knew of this famous intersection because my mom had frequently joked that as a teenager in the 70s she had dreamed of moving out to this exact neighborhood to live in peace with all the hippies. 

The owners live above the garden studio and have an awesome rescue dog, Jay-z.  He would come bounding down the porch stairs to romp around the patio area and every so often his eyes and Benny’s eyes would meet.  Benny would lunge at the window while hissing and batting while Jay-z growled and barked with his nose to the window.  My fearless cat had found another dog to torturer on this trip. 

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A hilarious side note, while stripping my bed to wash the sheets I found a pair of women’s underwear hidden wrapped up in the fitted sheet.  My assumption is that it got stuck while in the laundry and that they were clean but needless to say it was an unpleasant but silly finding. 

Speaking of laundry, this is the second place in a row where I’ve had to go to a laundromat.  I’ve been pretty lucky with either having laundry in my units or having a paid laundry room on site.  What made this more of a chore was, because my car wasn’t near my house, I had to carry my laundry bag about a half mile up and down the San Francisco hills.  I was reminded of living in New York City at 19 and carrying my huge laundry bag blocks upon blocks each week- not something I’ve missed.  I’m also going to need a new hamper when I get to San Diego because the straps did not survive these hills. 

On one of the sunniest, clearest most beautiful days during my time here I walked over the Alamo Square to see the Painted Ladies aka the Full House house.  Growing up in the 90s I was obsessed with the tv show, Full House.  I watched every episode multiple times after school and would beg for permission to eat dinner in the living room for particularly important new episodes (see: when Michelle falls off the horse).  We were a family that ate dinner together every night, it was a core value of our household, so getting permission was not something that happened frequently.

Needless to say, cresting the hill and seeing the Painted Ladies before me with the most epic view of downtown San Francisco and the Bay stretched out behind them was a dream.  

I had brought my tripod to get some shots of me with the houses but was lucky enough to run into a friendly, hilarious Indian couple from upstate New York.  I took pictures of them and they took pictures of me in a ton of poses while laughing and encouraging each other.  The woman and I bonded over bringing a change of sneakers for the pictures because the walk there required running shoes.  They were heading to see the bridge next and we said our goodbyes. 

I had some affirming experiences with my anxiety while at this stop on my trip.  I have a high school friend here who I haven’t seen in close to 15 years.  We were super close in 8th and 9th grade but we haven’t stayed in touch since my family moved in the middle of high school.  We had a fun group of friends that included my friend Vicky who came to visit me in Miami.

My San Fran friend gave me a ton of local recommendations for the city including Philz Coffee and we made plans to hang out later in my stay to catch up and I could meet his wife.  After the caffeine anxiety we had been texting and I was honest about not feeling like exploring because of it.  He was super thoughtful and told me I had friends here if I needed anything from him or his wife and to not feel alone in it. 

Later in the trip, as we planned to get together for dinner, I told him I was anxious I wouldn’t be able to eat and asked if we could just do drinks. My anxious attempt at my dinner with a friend in Chicago was in the back of my head and there were too many similarities- walking to a place in a large city without the comfort of my car parked outside.  If I’m being honest, it took me 3 hours to work up the nerve to send this vulnerable text.  His response was SO understanding. Over and over again I have found that the more vulnerable I am about my anxiety the more I learn that it is universal, the more I understand that more of us than not are warriors in the fight. 

We ended up getting together on my last night in town.  We went to Bellota, a bar he used to work at, that has a chill vibe and craft cocktails … and checks vaccination cards.  I got to meet his wife and friend (who I am going to try and see next month in San Diego) and we got to catch up on 15 years of living life.  It was a great night full of laughter, great drinks, and great people. 

My second to last day in town I had one last place to see, Lombard Street, the most crooked street in the world. I walked up and down the stairs lining the hairpin turns while marveling at the gardens and the homes on this famous street.

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And now, a last funny story to wrap up this post and my time in San Fran: One afternoon, I was getting out of my car near my AirBnB and a homeless man was walking by.  He had been yelling out as he walked the block towards my car and throwing things into the road.  As he walked by me he yelled out, “Sell your vagina, Massachusetts!” and I couldn’t help but laugh to myself at his quick wit and stellar observation skills.  

San Francisco is a very real, no holding back city, as was this moment.  As I grab my last Philz coffee and head out of town I can’t help but have appreciation and respect for the authenticity of this city.

I purposely left 2 days between checking out of my AirBnB in Portland and checking into my new one in San Francisco to explore and break up the 10 hour drive.  My original plan was to go to Bend, OR and Crater Lake but due to the wildfires it made more sense to put that off for a different trip. 

I purposely drove through Eugene, OR aka Tracktown, USA because of the famous Hayward Field located there on the University of Oregon campus; this year’s track and field Olympic trials took place there.  I stopped at a grocery store on my way through to grab food and wine for my weekend in the middle of nowhere. 

I decided to stay in the town of Hornbrook on the California/Oregon border after finding a cute studio AirBnB above a garage nestled on acres upon acres of rolling dusty hills.  The view from the front porch swing was gorgeous, even with the hazy smoke clouding the sky.  

I arrived around 3 pm, settled in, and poured a glass of wine to drink on the porches. The wine was an Oregon made rosé that was light yet robust and had a smokey finish; something I’ve never experienced in a rosé… or maybe in any wine to this extent.  

The owner, Russell, was outside caring for the ground and we chatted for close to an hour.  Russell is a retired geologist who swears like a trucker, wears cool surfer hats, and has the best travel recommendations.  He also happened to spend time in the tiny town of Ennis, Montana to help oversee the digging of a well near the hot springs (small world).

I told Russell I would be going for a run in the morning and he told me about several trails he created on the property.  He also let me know I might run into the property donkey, Opal, who wonders free. 

My run was perfect; I ran by Opal and a section of the property Russell rents out where the tenets have several greenhouses growing cannabis and a barn where they dry it out.  I don’t personally use cannabis but it sure smelled great. I also ran by the sign on the property marking the Oregon and California border. 

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After my run I headed into the town of Ashland, Oregon and on my way in I passed McClure’s Autobody which I had to stop and take a picture of.  I walked through Lithia Park and passed a small artists market and a man beautifully playing the soprano saxophone.  

I had lunch at the Brickroom and while I was eating at the bar I overheard the bartender talking about his favorite winery so I looked it up and headed to Irvine and Roberts Vineyard as soon as I finished my lunch.

The winery was beautiful.  I had the best seat there, looking out over the hills and the vineyard.  My amazing server, Wiley, told me all about the chardonnay and pinot noir they specialize in growing.  With the Alabama Shakes playing in the background I sipped on my wine flight.  I got a glass of their 2018 chardonnay while Fleetwood then Nina Simone played and Wiley told me all about the details of the seasons of each vintage and how much the weather impacts the wine. 

A side note about Wiley, anyone who describes a pinot noir’s tannins as a leather chair in a library knows my soul.  He explained the wine like each vintage tells a story of the season it was made.  How it has a narrative and is a storyteller of sorts. 

I asked him about my smokey rosé and how that could happen.  He asked for the year (2020) and explained that they had a late wildfire that year and the smoke was most intense the week the grapes were ripest and about to be picked.  He explained that there is a debate within the industry of whether the smokiness enhanced or ruined the wine… we both agreed, enhanced. 

After finishing my glass of wine I went back to my AirBnB to swim in the pool and read the night away.  

There wasn’t any wifi in the studio but they do have an extensive DVD collection.  After reading and eating dinner I curled up and watched the original Jurassic Park before going to bed and heading to San Francisco in the morning.

Dear Portland, Everyone told me to expect greatness.  They told me I’d fall in love with you.  They told me if they could live anywhere it would be with you.  Portland, you’ve had a tough couple of years and that kind of tough triggers change; from gun violence, to racial injustice, to the homeless crisis, to being crushed by a pandemic, you aren’t who you used to be and it’s sad.  I wish I had the opportunity to meet you before all of this trauma but maybe in the future we can try again. 

I arrived in Portland to a heatwave of epic proportions; for several days the temperature was above 110.  I actually saw my car thermostat read 118 degrees.  I have never felt heat like that.  It was too uncomfortable to be outside for any reason.  It is like in Massachusetts when it’s 10 degrees and it hurts to walk from your front door to your car.  My AirBnB didn’t have air conditioning but somehow the two fans combined with being in a basement level apartment kept it comfortable.

At one point I found myself thinking, “I can’t wait for it to only be 98 degrees tomorrow” which was a full 20 degrees cooler than the 118.  I do have to say, after experiencing dry heat for the first time, it is so much more comfortable than humid heat.  Temperatures in the 90s are actually comfortable without the humidity.  I couldn’t get over how different it actually felt.

I was so excited to see a wonderful friend and old roommate who now lives in Portland.  Aliess and I lived together in the Boston neighborhood of Jamaica Plain, along with 2 other amazing roommates back in 2013.  We bonded quickly over a love of musicals, books, and sports (the Red Sox happened to win the World Series that year).  We also survived some gnarly things including someone throwing a brick through our window and robbing us blind on Thanksgiving Eve about 6 weeks into knowing each other; they left blood all over our apartment after injuring themselves climbing through the broken window.  Needless to say, we were fast friends that have lasted almost a decade and I couldn’t wait to see her. 

Aliess booked us tickets to attend a small pottery throwing class my first week in town.  I wasn’t sure what to expect but it was an amazing experience.  If you’re ever in Portland and have time to head 20 minutes north of the city I highly recommend going to hang out with Ted at Norris Arts.  Ted grew up in Hawaii and has been throwing pottery since he was a teenager.  He is one of the most charismatic and kind humans.  He quickly taught us some basics and we got started on our wheels. 

Come to find out, I am absolutely terrible at pottery but thoroughly enjoy it.  Ted had to get me started each time and I ruined 3 pieces of clay before getting one right.  Clay is reusable once it dries out a bit.  Ted has a dedicated spot in the studio to put messed up clay and he calls it “feeding the gods” because you’re giving back to the ‘clay gods’.  It was a fun and lighthearted way to handle the mess ups and I just may have fed the gods more in one night than anyone he’s ever had take a class.

After finishing our ‘wares’ and choosing glazing colors we headed to get a delicious dinner of (gluten free) fish and chips. 

I met up with Aliess again on Saturday, along with her boyfriend, to go to the staple Portland Saturday Market which is a farmers market on the river waterfront.  I got an awesome pair of earrings made our of a skateboard deck. After wandering around the market we got lunch at Thai Peacock and then we separated and I continued exploring. 

My first stop was Powell’s Books (obviously).  Powell’s is a massive bookstore with an even more massive line to check out. I loved getting lost in the many aisles of the many rooms.  After Powell’s I went to Tender Loving Empire,which is a super cute store, then got Verde Cocina which is a Mexican restaurant where every single item is gluten free- yes, even the quesadilla.

I had a lot of coffee and bakery recommendations for Portland including Petunias Pies where I got gluten free cupcakes and a thin mint fudge brownie, Gem Bakery where I got a gluten free cinnamon roll, Heart coffee, and Cafe Umbria. 

One Saturday after grabbing Gem I went to find a place on the southeast side of the river to sit and enjoy my pastries and I couldn’t find a place that felt safe to park my car or to walk to the waterfront; there were homeless encampments and people milling about everywhere.  At another point in my trip I was leaving Whole Foods and a young man was standing outside shirtless and covered in angry scratches on every surface of his visible skin almost like he fell down a hill covered in thorns. 

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One thing I loved about Portland was running. There was a track near my AirBnB to do my speed workouts on- I haven’t had access to a public track throughout my trip and it’s amazing how much being on a track can improve those workouts.  

I was at the track one morning as the high school cross country team was warming up for their first day of practice and I overheard the coach tell them that the route they were about to run was the most beautiful place he’s ever run.  After finishing my workout I went and asked the assistant coach where this renowned route was.  She directed me to Terwilliger Boulevard which she said was gorgeous with rolling hills…. rolling hills to the point of other cross country teams coming to train on it to be prepared, both physically and mentally, for meets against them. 

I have to say the route was every bit as beautiful as the coach described it- a winding road through a forest with wide sidewalks, lots of shade, and beautiful views of Portland and Mountain St. Helen in the few tree breaks. I ran Terwilliger the rest of my time in Portland. 

Multnomah Falls was at the top of my list of things to do while in Portland.  It is a massive waterfall about 30 minutes outside of the city.  Due to the number of people it attracts, I woke up early on a Saturday to get there by 730am.  I was able to take a bunch of pictures and hike the steep trails to the top with relatively minimal traffic.  I started speaking with a runner, Lina, who had grown up in Oregon and was there to run every other switchback (total badass).  She introduced me to her friend and her dog once we got to the top, she directed me towards the waterfall, and we parted ways.  

The entire climb is beautiful; the Columbia River is visible the whole time and the people were all friendly and kind.  While the view of the waterfall is better from below I would highly recommend hiking to the top if you’re ever in the area. 

After my hike I headed to Terwilliger for my 5 mile Saturday run all the while knowing my calves were going to be wrecked the next day after the steep hike and the rolling 5 miles. 

I relaxed after my run by heading to the Mississippi Avenue area to relax on the patio at Stem Wine Bar with a good book. The wine paired perfectly with the 90’s hip hop/R&B playlist.

I was able to reconnect with another childhood babysitter and family friend, Summer, on my visit. My friend Vicky’s mother-in-law who I saw in Naples back in January connected me with Summer because her and Summer’s mother a good friends. I drove out to Summer’s house for a wonderful dinner with a beautiful view, and to meet her adorable daughter Sage. I don’t think I’ve seen Summer in about 25 years. We caught up, she and her husband gave me a ton of recommendations for Portland must-sees, and then bonded over maybe all ending up in Asheville, NC someday.

My third weekend in Portland I had plans to meet up with Beth Anne and her fiancé, Robert (my friends from Seattle).  They had already booked a place in Rockaway and I was planning to visit Cannon Beach while in Oregon so it was the perfect timing to meet up again. 

I drove out on a Friday morning to explore while they finished up work.  I went to Ecola State Park where the fog was so thick the beach wasn’t visible from the hike.  I was having flashbacks to my first trip to see the Pacific Ocean and swearing at its evasiveness. 

Arriving at the park there are signs alerting to it being a “tsunami zone” and indicating designated evacuation routes.  I never knew this kind of sign existed; a sign I never knew I never wanted to see. 

After a short hike in Ecola I made the 10 minute drive to Cannon Beach to walk the shoreline and admire the large rock formations in the breaking waves including Haystack Rock.  Luckily, at the lower altitude the fog cleared up and I could actually see the ocean. 

After finishing up at the beach I explored the small town of Cannon Beach. I got lunch at Ecola Seafoods (fresh shrimp, fresh crab, and french fries).  I read a book while eating at a picnic table then got a latte at Sleepy Monk coffee before taking the beautiful 40 minute drive down the coast to the sleepy beach town of Rockaway.

In honor of our favorite cocktail bar, Daphne’s, we made paloma slushies and went to the beach.  We sat in the sun as the fog completely burned off, enjoying our drinks, listening to music, and laughing. 

We made a delicious dinner on the grill at the adorable a-frame AirBnB then headed back to the beach with red wine to watch the sunset. 

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We walked onto the beach playing a T.I. song because I had to show them I know all the words then we settled in with some Fleetwood Mack and our wine and watched the sun set over the Pacific Ocean; my very first.  It was beautiful and monumental; something I have been waiting to see for this whole trip (and most of my life). 

We finished the perfect night relaxing around the fire pit.  

We woke up the next morning; we packed and drank terrible coffee and then took a group photo outside our cute AirBnB.  One of the wonderful surprises that came out of this trip was having an acquaintance become a treasured friend.

When researching Portland, one recommendation that came up was Sasquatch Brewery which happened to be about a quarter mile from where I was staying; it became my spot.  A couple nights a week I’d post up at a picnic table on their patio, have a couple New West: True Love blueberry blackberry ciders, and get work done on my laptop.  I built my own website for my business, wrote blog posts, and sent emails. 

One day after work, Aliess and I went to Washington Park to see the International Rose Test Garden and then the Japanese Garden.  We drank our iced coffees and wandered through beautiful roses then through serene waterfalls and bonsais then enjoyed a cider in the rose garden amphitheater.

After our ciders and people watching we went to Harlow for gluten free dairy free stroganoff – it was good but had too many mushrooms (and we like mushrooms). 

On my last Wednesday in town, I drove north to Vancouver (Washington, not Canada) to see Aliess’ new apartment.  We got drinks at McMenamins which was another huge recommendation in the Portland area.  There are tons of locations where they redo old hotels, movie theatres, or old high schools with swimming pools and they create a bar around them.  We went to the one on the Columbia riverfront and sat outside.  After drinks Aliess’ boyfriend met us for dinner at Twigs.  

We walked along the waterfront with the sun setting to the west and the full moon rising to the east.  As we were saying goodbye in the parking lot a man saw my license plate and remarked, “Well, you’re a long way from home.” I replied, “I just got on the MassPike and ended up on 90 west in Washington before I knew what happened!”

How is it that I’ve been on this journey for over 6 months? How in the world am I crossing over the half way mark? It seems like I just arrived in Miami amidst a minor panic attack. How is it that the massive panic attack that sends me home and dashes the dreams of this trip hasn’t happened yet?

My check out in Seattle was 12pm on a Saturday and my check in for my AirBnB for Portland wasn’t until 7pm.  With 7 hours to pass during a heat wave with Benny in my car I had no idea what we could do.  Luckily a friend suggested exploring Mount Rainier after seeing one of my posts about being in awe of it.  

For those who don’t know, Mount Rainier majestically reigns over Seattle. It’s omnipresence is all breathtaking. It seems only right that the mountain that stole my heart while in Seattle would mark my halfway crossing.  

Benny and I arrived at Mount Rainier National Park after a couple hours of driving through rural Washington; passing tiny towns, massive evergreens, and one aquamarine lake.  Upon entering and driving under the wooden welcome sign we were emmersed in a serene forest wonderland.

I chose to do the Paradise Loop which passes points of interest on the way to the gift shop which is about halfway up the mountain; I stopped several times to see waterfalls and view points. 

While stopping at a waterfall a family yelled, “Go Red Sox!” after seeing my Massachusetts plates.  It turned out they are from Utah but appreciate a good baseball team.  

With each winding bend up the mountain there was more and more snow on the ground.  It was 110 degrees at the base of the mountain and about 75 degrees at the gift shop.  The significant raise in temperature was causing a ton of snow to melt which created many waterfalls and creeks.  

Walking across the parking lot in my sandals I had freezing cold water rushing over my feet.  All I could think about was how much fun it would be if my sister was with me because we definitely would have kicked our shoes off and had a ton of fun playing and laughing in the glacial stream.

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While waiting to go into the gift shop I started talking to the young man managing the capacity.  He was from New York and had been traveling the country for about 6 months while living out of his Honda CRV; he got a job at the gift store after running out of money but wanting to continue his travels. 

One thing that remains a mystery to me is how to actually pronounce Rainier.  No one that I have asked has been able to confidently tell me if it’s Rain-ear or Rain-ier.

Leaving the national park and heading past my halfway point, I can’t help but feel both a sense of pride and a sense of wonder; wonder about the next 6 months and wonder about the after.

There have been many challenges on this trip; it certainly hasn’t been easy.  There’s part of me that wishes it had been easier and that it wasn’t scary anymore.  How am I still so anxious about the great unknown of California? There’s also part of me that can’t believe how wonderful it’s been and how well I’ve handled it.

I just finished reading Alexi Pappas book about training for the Olympics as a runner.  She explains ‘The rule of thirds’ which is the experience when you’re chasing your dream that 30% of the time you feel good, 30% you feel ok, and 30% you feel crappy.  She goes on to further explain that this is normal but that you have to make sure the ratio stays in that balance to continue on. I feel like this applies to my trip and I am going to hold it close for the remainder of my journey.

My second Saturday in Seattle I met up with Beth Anne and her fiancé, Robert, again in the small town of Edmonds.  Edmonds is the cutest sleepy waterfront town with a ferry boat landing and adorable downtown area.  We grabbed lunch at The Market; I had a west coast lobster roll which was good but not New England good.

After our late lunch we went to a small cocktail bar.  Daphne’s cocktail bar has a tiny bar and one table inside- it’s smaller than most bedrooms.  They have a handful of tables out on the sidewalk.  We hovered like vultures until a table because available and we could order delicious Paloma slushies. 

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The very best part of Daphne’s is the owner, bartender, host- Desmond.  He is a charismatic gentleman who makes everyone feel like family, regulars and newcomers alike.  He makes loud announcements throughout the night when it’s someone’s first time there or a birthday, “Attention! It’s Lacey’s first time at Daphne’s!” And everyone claps and cheers.

Desmond and I hit it off after some banter and telling him about my trip.  For the rest of the evening, anytime he made an announcement he would end it with, “and Laceyyyyyyy!” And point my way.  Beth Anne, Robert, and I couldn’t stop laughing; we had the best time.

Beth Anne and Robert had dinner plans with friends that evening that they invited me to crash.  I found some pants in my cargo pack on the roof of my car so I didn’t have to wear leggings to dinner and off we went.  We got dinner at their local brewery while a live band played fantastic music- everything from country to Santana.  

On Saturday morning, a little dehydrated, I met up with Beth Anne in West Seattle to explore both her old neighborhood and a recommended place to explore.  West Seattle has an eclectic but beachy vibe with amazing views of the city and the mountains; this is definitely the neighborhood I would want to live in .

We went to Pegasus Book Exchange and walked around like the book nerds we are talking about all the books we read as we passed them. After thoroughly satisfying the book gods we went to Easy Street Records which is a famous record store.  After working up our appetite we went to Marination Kai Hawaiian restaurant which is a hole in the wall place right on the water with a beautiful view of Seattle.  

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After going our separate ways to run errands for the afternoon we met up again that night at Daphne’s to enjoy more Paloma slushies and laughs with Desmond; neither disappointed.  Desmond continued to shout my name after all of his evening announcements.  

There is an old movie theatre next door to Daphne’s and a local tip is to get a bag of freshly popped popcorn to eat while sipping on delicious cocktails.  I cannot tell you how perfect a combination it was to have a bitter sweet Paloma slushy with savory salty popcorn. 

After scouting the weather reports all week for the nicest, clearest day I made the 3.5 hour drive to Ruby Beach to see the Pacific Ocean for the very first time. Ruby Beach is a hailed as a beautiful scenic beach with large rock structures along the coast line.  It is also right next to the town of Forks and La Push from the Twilight book/movie series. 

As I got closer to my destination I could see what looked like purple clouds in an otherwise clear sunny sky.  Once I was close enough I was able to see that it was actually fog.  As I drove the last few miles to the beach I could tell I was supposed to be able to see the ocean to my left but all I could see was fog.

I parked my car in the crowded dirt beach access and was surprised to step out into cool 60 degree air.  Everyone was in long sleeves and I had on my bathing suit under a coverup.  I found some leggings in my trunk to put under my coverup and headed down the steep trail to the beach. 

It was so foggy I could barely see the waves breaking from the beach, let alone see the massive rocks.  I tried to make the most of it; I took pictures and put my toes in the freezing water but it wasn’t the monumental Pacific Ocean experience I was expecting.  I had been hyping up this moment for my entire trip and it’s why I drove 3.5 hours to make it happen.  I never knew if I would make it this far in my trip; I never knew if I’d get to check off this bucket list item. 

The drive home took over 4 hours due to traffic and my anxiety skyrocketed.  I was disappointed and somehow that showed up as anxiety that lingered for 3 days. 

As my last week in Seattle was flying by I still had two major things to accomplish, the first being the top of the Spaceneedle.

I finished my workday early Thursday afternoon, bought Spaceneedle tickets, and drove downtown.  I was expecting to be more anxious standing in the long line to the elevators.  It took about 30 minutes to get to the elevators and by then I was feeling more nervous.  A young girl was managing the line and asking how people were doing.  I told her I was nervous and she said, “I was nervous the first time I came, too, and now I work the elevators!”  I asked if the line to leave at the top was as long as the bottom.  She told me that it was shorter and then added, “but if you’re having a panic attack we’ll get you right down.” Was I giving off panic attack vibes? Regardless, I definitely appreciated her including this detail.

As I stepped onto the elevator with about 10 other people I told the older woman in the couple next to me I was nervous- sometimes it helps to say it out loud.  The second the doors shut panic washed over my body- hot and cold and nauseous.  The elevators are glass and on the outside of the building so once they get past the first few floors of the gift shop you can see the city the whole way up.  A recording comes on to narrate details including informing riders of the 83 second ride to the top.  My thoughts were back and forth between “you can do anything for 83 seconds” and “you’re never going to make it 83 seconds.”

We got to the top, the doors opened, and people started to exit… but I couldn’t move.  I decided I was just going to ride it right back down and leave.  

The couple I had talked to looked at me expectantly as they were planning to exit behind me; with my terrified eyes and shaking voice I told them I couldn’t get off yet. The woman told me I’d be ok and they continued off.

The elevator operator and another worker already on the top floor were looking at me.  I asked if I could just look out the door to see how long the line to go down was.  It wasn’t long and they told me I could leave whenever I wanted. 

A side note in this story, when I was with Pam’s family in Montana they told me about taking Caden up to the top when he was little and they were in Seattle for his treatment.  I had told Caden I would do it and he had asked me over a text message a week earlier if I had gone yet.  My legs were shaking stepping off of that elevator but I kept thinking about how if this brave little boy could fight cancer (and jump off a bridge into Lake Ennis like it was no big deal) I could certainly take one lap around this damn Spaceneedle. 

I walked through what feels like a lobby onto the outer viewing deck.  There are huge glass walls with benches in them and so many people are just sitting their calmly basically hanging over the side.  I took a few picture and did my lap and went to get in line for the elevator.  As I was standing in line, convincing myself I didn’t need to go down to the level below with the glass floor, I took a deep breath and said, “screw it, you’re already up here.”

I got out of line and headed down the staircase to the lower level where there is a 360 degree rotating glass floor where you can see all the way to the street below.  There were tons of people walking on the floor or laying on the floor taking pictures while I walked along the inner strip of carpeted flooring.

I ended up standing next to a woman and her child and we got talking about being scared to step onto the glass.  I asked her if I could take a picture and she agreed.  I laid down on the glass with half of my body still on the carpet and she took a picture in which I look like I’m dying. I asked if we could try again and she enthusiastically agreed.  She started encouraging me and cheering me on to get back on and “scoot back” to get a good picture.  I appreciated her level of energy and support SO MUCH!  She got a great picture and I immediately rolled off the glass to safety. 

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After thanking my new friend I headed to the elevator line- eager to escape.  The line wasn’t too long but I just missed fitting on the first one that came.  I had a lot of nervous energy coursing through my body; my legs were shaky and my palms were sweating.  I was listening to the teenage boys in the family behind me talk about being nervous and how their feet were sweating off their sandals which I really appreciated.  Unfortunately, the mother read the sign outloud explaining that it could take 8-10 minutes between elevators arriving which was not at all helpful for my anxiety and I would have rather not known and just expected that at each minute one could arrive.  The elevator finally came and then I was finally on solid earth again.  I sent a proud text to Caden letting him know I did it!

On my way back from the Spaceneedle I stopped at Kerry Park to check out what is known as the best view in the city.  I took some pictures and was in awe of how huge Mount Rainier is in distance behind the skyline.

Once I got home I texted my family who surprisingly all said they couldn’t have gone up the Spaceneedle.  What?? It’s hard to explain, but sometimes with anxiety I can’t tell what is normal people hard and what is anxiety.  It came as such a strange realization that many people wouldn’t be able to do this because of a fear of heights.  While the height was scary for me on the glass floor my biggest fear was not being able to escape and possibly embarrassing myself by freaking out.  Regardless, adrenaline was pumping through my body all night which made it nearly impossible to get to sleep.  My nervous system doesn’t seem to recover quickly after my fight or flight adrenaline kicks in. 

The last thing on my to-do list was to ride a ferry boat.  For anyone who is a fan of the show, Grey’s Anatomy, you know ferry boats are an understated character of sorts in the show.  I had pushed this off because they are mostly ferries you drive your car onto to explore one of the many islands in the sound, however, due to COVID they had been asking that people stay in their cars during the trip instead of coming up to the decks.  There was no way my anxiety could handle being locked in my car in the belly of a boat.

Beth Anne let me know there was a walk-on ferry in Edmonds that goes to Kingston which is a short 30 minute trip.  I decided last minute on Friday I was going to make this happen and jumped in my car.  When I arrived the sign said there was a 2 hour wait and while part of me felt relief, a larger part of me was really disappointed.  I parked my car to find out if the delay was for just cars or passengers, too, and luckily it was only for cars and I could get on the ferry leaving in 15 minutes- score!

I sat on the top deck looking out at the sound and the beautiful mountain ranges in the distance and was so happy I made this happen.  A couple with a German Shepherd sat in the same vicinity and after asking the woman to take my picture we got to talking about Seattle and my trip.  It was great to connect with her and tell her about my blog.  She told me to sit on the other side on the way back so I could see my new love, Mount Rainier. 

I only stayed in Kingston for an hour because the whole point of the trip was the ferry boat ride itself.  I got a drink and an appetizer at the Kingston Ale House right off the dock and then took the next ferry back. 

Arriving back in Edmonds I figured why not head to Daphne’s to say hi to Desmond.  He gave me a huge hug and because there weren’t any tables open he sat me with a regular couple who didn’t mind sharing their table.  We chatted about my trip and then their friend, Elise, arrived and joined us.  Elise is an inspiring woman who does a lot of her own exploring and traveling and we hit it off; she even paid for my drinks.  I also got a ton of great recommendations for when I am in San Fransisco and San Diego later in my trip because Elise is from San Diego and the man in the couple is from San Francisco.

I liked Seattle more and more as I spent time there and ended up liking it more than I ever expected. It is the perfect blend of water and mountains; it has an awesome vibe and more parks than you can find time to run in. I can’t wait to go back.

The drive from Montana to Seattle was absolutely gorgeous; I saw a moose by the road and then got to drive through Coeur d’Alene, Idaho (Google it).  I also stopped at the Columbia River Gorge which is a breathtaking canyon that formed about 60 million years ago.

I also had some challenges on my drive. First off, I got my first ever speeding ticket on highway 90 in Montana.  I’ve been pulled over MANY times but have never actually had a ticket- I can attribute this to my led foot and my white woman privilege but even that can’t get you out of a ticket for going 97 mph in a 80 mph. Oops.

Then I killed a bird; well, a bird flew into my moving car- but still. 

Arriving in Seattle I went from 80 degree weather at the end of my Montana trip to 60 degrees and raining. I also had what I started calling a Montana hangover where the rest of the world just doesn’t shine as bright once leaving that gorgeous place and my amazing experience while there. 

The first thing I noticed when moving into my AirBnB was how everyone in the building was friendly and welcoming. Being from a small town, I feel at home when everyone is saying hi and asking how you are.  I ended up running into the man in the apartment next to me many times; so much so that we’d both laugh and say, “Hi, neighbor!”  He was probably in his 50s and was frequently returning from riding his motorcycle.

Another stark difference, I went from little to no mask wearing in Montana to seeing everyone in masks again in Seattle; with the rest of the country ending mask mandates, the PNW is keeping them.  The first Sunday I grabbed breakfast at a cafe that was still takeout only and the dining room was closed.

The first night we were there Benny was playing with some toys that the AirBnB host left for him (so sweet!!).  He ended up in an open closet near the front door where the garbage cans are.  The closet had 2 sliding door without a floor track so when he pushed against the doors they could swing outwards.  In his excitement, he got too far under the door and got stuck.  It was absolutely terrifying- he was screaming and scratching to get out and I couldn’t move the doors off of him; if I pushed them back it would squish him but they also wouldn’t come any further forward or to the side.  In a panic, I ripped the door out of the track to free him.  He had been so scared an/or in such pain that he had peed himself; I felt awful for him. After he was out, I examined him to see if he was hurt and paid extra attention over the next few days. 

Seattle is full of amazing parks for running, walking, and exploring.  My first run in Seattle was at Magnusum Park by the water with the mountains in the distance.  I felt like a superhero running at sea level again with an abundance of oxygen!  Later in the week I went to Doscovery Park for my speed session which was amazing for the views but not great for the speed.  I was running on trails, sand, and precarious hiking stairs with lots of epic hills. At a certain point I just let go of it being a speed workout and enjoyed the view at an easy pace.  I also got lost about 10 times, potentially due to poor signage and potential to poor navigation skills. I found Green Lake Park for my first long run and fell in love. I ended up doing most of the rest of my runs there because it’s a perfect 3 mile loop around a beautiful lake. Once the heat wave arrived it was an amazing bonus to jump in the lake to cool down at the end of my runs. 

I had a lot of soreness and tightness on my runs in Seattle and had to take a little time off.  I also got a sports massage on my legs to try and work out some of the tightness. 

One thing I knew to expect in Seattle was to see a lot of homeless folks.  There are tents and old rvs everywhere.  I’m not sure if they have more homeless people but the city seems to allow them to set up tent cities without interference.  One encampment I saw even had a port-o-potty and a hand washing station. 

One of my good grad school friends from home in Massachusetts, Alexia, happened to be in Seattle for a week to see her friends during the time I was there.  My first Thursday I met up with her at her friend’s home to eat takeout Ethiopian food and catch up before she headed out with her friends the next day for their winery vacation.  It was a treat to see someone from home and someone I haven’t seen in person since before COVID- even though we meet virtually for a book club on a regular basis. 

On my first, very rainy, Friday I went out to explore the city.  Most of the time I arrive somewhere on a Saturday night, get organized, grocery shopping, and cook on Sunday, work long days Monday through Wednesday and then finally get to see the new city I am in starting Thursday or Friday.  When I happened to be in a Whole Foods parking lot a woman in her 50’s stopped me to say hello after seeing my Massachusetts license plates because she had attended Boston University for college. 

I headed to the Elliot Bay Book Company which was stunning and highly recommended.  After that I went to a few stores in the same neighborhood and got delicious dairy free coconut chocolate chunk ice cream from Molly Moon’s. 

After enjoying my ice cream while FaceTiming with friends I went in search of a waterfall I heard was in downtown Seattle.  Even though it was raining heavily, I was able to spend time in Waterfall Garden Park.  I then got lost and missed the on-ramp to the highway no less than 2 times and getting on the highway in the wrong direction; I have not found the signage in the PNW to be very intuitive…

My first Saturday was a beautiful sunny day.  I went down to Water Front Park to watch the ferry boats, see the Ferris wheel, and purchase some postcards. For a late lunch/early dinner I went to Ray’s Boathouse.  It was about an hour wait but I knew it would be worth it.  I wandered around and enjoyed the scenery and then had a wonderful meal.  I sat on the deck overlooking the sound and enjoyed shrimp cocktail and salmon, wine and a gin cocktail while writing out my post cards.

Sunday was overcast and cool and I met a friend to explore Pike Place Market.  I met Beth Anne while visiting my friend Leah in Chicago in 2015.  She was living there at the time and we hit it off and stayed in touch on social media.  Beth Anne is the friend who inspired me to make a yearly reading goal and post about it on Instagram.  She read 52 books the first year she did it; my goal was 33 for my age at the time and I was in awe of her accomplishment and stoked to find a fellow book worm.  

I met up with her and her fiancé, Robert, and we walked through Pike Place which is an iconic open air market with flowers, local venders, famous fish throwing, the original Starbucks, and an epic wall of bubblegum.  While they weren’t throwing any fish due to COVID it was a great place to explore.  I had grabbed some double bubble chewing gum on my way downtown so the three of us headed to the gum wall to blow bubbles for the first time in quite possibly more than a decade.  The gum wall is more like a gum alley and is pretty Diagon-Alley-esq.  We laughed and chewed until our faces hurt and got some pretty great pictures.  We ended the day with brunch at Shelter Lounge in the Green Lake neighborhood (yea, near my new favorite running spot).  

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After an hour drive through the most beautiful rolling green hills with epic mountains in the distance, I followed Pam and her family down a dirt road onto a more dirty-er dirt road to their beautiful house on the lake. The kids gave me a tour; I would be staying in the guest bedroom in the basement with their room full of bunk beds across the hall. We quickly unpacked the cars and set up a pet gate to keep my cat, Benny, and their dog, Oakley, apart until we could slowly introduce them. Benny hasn’t ever met a dog but Oakley is used to living with 2 cats- I was hopeful they’d be cuddling by the end of the week.  We were all starving and I was slightly hungover so we headed to McAllister Steakhouse to fill up. 

A quick backstory before getting into the rest of the evening- 9 years ago Pam’s son, Caden, was diagnosed with stage IV high risk Neuroblastoma.  Pam and her husband posted daily updates on a blog site, CaringBridge. While they uprooted their lives to get Caden the best care possible at Seattle Children’s hospital I was across the country in Boston reading the updates each day sending love to my friend and her family. 

Reading a book is part of their family bedtime routine and recently Caden and Camryn requested they read through Caden’s CaringBridge in place of a novel like Harry Potter. I was honored to be present as they read each night while I was at the lake house.  It’s humbling to bear witness to this amazing family’s strength, courage, and pain.  It was amazing to meet the little boy I spent a year reading about almost a decade ago. 

Childhood cancer is bullshit. Pam, along with the parents of two other families from Bozeman, started a nonprofit, The Bozeman 3, after all three families had children diagnosed with cancer and were receiving treatment in Seattle.  If you’re touched by Caden’s story I encourage you to check out the organization and donate, if you’re able. Thanks, Caden, for giving me permission to talk about your story.

We woke up on Saturday morning and after a delicious breakfast on the back deck overlooking the lake and the mountains we headed into the town of Ennis.  We walked through the downtown area which is one street with shops for souvenirs and for all things outdoors, a couple restaurants, a distillery, and a Lion’s Club. 

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After a little shopping and gassing up the boat we headed to the campground/boat landing to put their boat in for the year.  Pam drove us across the lake and back to the house while her husband, Jason, drove the truck back. It was a cool but sunny day and it was beautiful on the water. 

We started joking about wake surfing and how cold the water would be if we happened to get nice enough weather over the Memorial Day weekend to want to attempt it.  I’ve never done it before but have seen a few YouTube videos that looked pretty damn cool and inspired me to add it to my bucket list. 

A few couples from the campground where Pam and her family stayed before building their lake house came by and we all sat outside and had a few snacks and drinks. After they left we had dinner and made a fire.  Caden patiently taught me how to chop wood and how to expertly set up a little stack of kindling with larger pieces to the outside and get a fire started.  He was the most patient, thoughtful, and humble 12 year old boy I’ve ever spent time with.

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The next morning Pam, the kids, and I planned to get out on the lake; Pam and I on Stand Up Paddleboards (SUPs) and the kids in their new kayaks. Oakley, their dog, hitched a ride on Pam’s SUP.  We paddled around with the freezing water at our feet and the most epic views of the mountains beyond the lake.  We did our best to get a selfie with all of us (and Oakley). When we got back to the dock Oakley, out of practice after the winter season away, launched off the board onto the dock which catapulted Pam into the mucky water near the shore.  We all got a good laugh because Pam had told me at the beginning of the paddle that she’d never fallen off before. 

Later in the afternoon we went out on the boat to ride around and soak up the sun.  It was too cool to try wake surfing but it was a wonderful afternoon on the water. 

Benny was in his glory at the lake house; he got tons of extra cuddles and attention. The whole family loved him and his laidback, chicken obsessed, take no shit attitude.  Their dog, Oakley, on the other hand, was not quite as impressed.  Oakley refused to look at Benny and for the first 2 days would growl/whine when in his presence. She is used to having the upper hand and terrorizing/chasing her sister cats around at home in Bozeman.  Benny was having none of that and would hiss and posture if Oakley was annoying him or trying to get in on any chicken scraps while at the same time laying down with his back to Oakley or showing his belly like he didn’t have a care in the world and could never be intimidated by a dog.  

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Each day we woke up and had breakfast together- hashbrowns on the grill and bacon or sausage.  Each day after breakfast I braided Camryn’s hair in some fun design.  We both loved this time together and experimenting and creating. 

Throughout my time in Montana I was on the lookout for bison and moose.  On Sunday morning we made amazing Bloody Mary’s with our breakfast and a neighbor texted to let us know there were moose in their yard.  While we were eating breakfast mama and baby moose trotted into the yard down by the lake shore and I got to see real live wild moose! I took all the touristy pictures and watched them in awe. 

Besides the Bloody Mary’s, our other plans for Sunday included wake surfing.  It was 85 degrees and perfect.  Caden and I made a pact that we would both do it even though we knew the water would be super cold.  

Pam did the first run and totally crushed it; she made it look super easy.  Next it was Caden’s turn. Pam’s husband, Jason, is able to help us beginners get started from the back of the boat and help us catch the wave and get comfortable before letting go for us to surf on our own.  Caden tried a few times and then decided he was done because the water was too cold to keep falling into. 

Next up…me.  I was excited and a bit nervous. My first ride went well; Jason held my board the whole time while I got comfortable.  When I fell in I got a ton of water up my nose and that combined with the super cold water and a rush of adrenaline meant I was hyperventilating. Fuck. Calm down. They’re coming back. Just breathe. 

I settled myself down and got back on the boat with my legs shaking.  After several deep breaths I steadied myself enough to try again. I was more scared of falling in the second time than I had been the first time.  

Jason got me started and I felt great. The wave was perfect and eventually he let go of the board.  I was doing it! I was wake surfing… all on my own!  It was exhilarating. 

Caden got some great pictures and videos and you can see me focusing on my breathing and staying calm.  I caught the wave for so long I actually decided to jump in because my legs were shaking and my back was aching from holding on.  I blocked my nose and was fine in the water while waiting for the boat to come grab me.

It took me almost an hour to recover from the adrenaline rush- my legs were noodles and it felt like all my organs were vibrating but you better believe I had the biggest smile on my face. 

During this surfing session I was also introduced to the tradition of picking “surfing songs/playlists.” Pam had a playlist for each year she’s been surfing. I was told the song needs a good beat that’s just right to pump you up. This is when I played them Vacation by the Dirty Heads which ended up becoming our anthem for the week; we danced and sang to this song everyday after that- sometimes wildly frustrated that we just couldn’t stop singing it. 

Next up was Camryn.  She had told me earlier in the week that she loves the surfer, Bethany Hamilton, who lost her arm in a shark attack as an adolescent.  When Cami got on the board she was nervous and we all kept cheering her on and saying, “you’re Brave like Bethany Hamilton!” She surfed and fell in a few times and then was done because of the cold water. 

Monday evening they headed back to Bozeman for work and school and I stayed at the lakehouse to work and meet with clients from there. They returned Wednesday night with the plan for all of us to school and work virtually on Thursday before heading out on the boat in the afternoon.

As if my Montana stay could get any better, Pam texted to let me know they finally got the call they’d been waiting for- to take in their first set of foster kittens. Not only would my new favorite family be returning to the lake house the following day but they would be bringing 4 tiny adorable kittens for us to snuggle and love. 

Thursday was 90 degrees with no wind- a perfect boat day.  We went for a walk in the early afternoon and saw the moose again on the shore of the lake.  We backtracked up the boat landing as moose can be extremely dangerous, especially when the young moose are present. 

When Jason got back from work we headed out on the boat to try wake surfing again. First Camryn, then Caden, then me.  My first fall I hyperventilated again; even though the water wasn’t as painfully cold, getting it up my nose, not wanting to embarrass myself, and not being able to get out until the boat circled back was a trigger.  I tried about 5 runs and while I didn’t have the beginners luck of the long ride my first day I did get a couple minutes of glory while listening to my very first surf playlist. 

After Pam and Jason crushed their rides we relaxed and snacked and started talking about a bridge on the lake that they frequently jump off.  Caden had done it for the first time last summer and I promised if he did it that afternoon I would too, which is when Camryn said if I did, she would, too. Well that settled that. 

Jason directed the boat towards the bridge while Pam (a meteorologist) kept an eye on a possible thunderstorm approaching.  Caden, Camryn, and I jumped off the boat in waist deep water to climb the dirt path up to the bridge.  

All 3 of us were nervous walking up.  When we got to the middle we paused before climbing over the guardrail to prepare to jump. The bridge feels much higher when you’re standing on top looking down than it does from the boat looking up.  Before we climbed over Camryn looked at Caden and I and confidently said, “I’m doing this” and over we went.

There were several groups of teenagers jumping off at different places along the bridge. There was a girl, about 18 years old, a few feet from us also preparing to jump.  She jumped; now it was our turn.  

Caden took a breath and jumped right in. After he swam to the boat, Camryn went after a quick reminder that she’s “brave like Bethany Hamilton.”  How are these kids so darn brave?!

Shit. Now it’s my turn. 

I stood looking down thinking about hitting the bottom and ending up paralyzed; trying to focus on taking some deep breaths and not on the thunder rolling in.  

All I could hear was the kids and Pam and Jason cheering me on from the boat.  No judgement, no forcing, just pure support. I kept telling myself I could do it but then couldn’t let go of the guard rail.  Then I heard Jason say, “do it for the blog!”  

I watched a piece of seaweed float by and told myself ‘as soon as that passes jump… for the blog.’  And I did!

It was amazing and exhilarating and I’m so freaking proud of myself and of Caden and of Camryn for being so brave. 

Now for the funniest story of the trip. 

We headed home after our bridge jumping to cook some amazing (and huge) New York strip steaks on the grill.  As we were eating our dinner on the back deck the sunset kept getting more and more magical. We were almost done eating but had to pause to run out front and capture some pictures.  We decided we needed a group photo so I ran and grabbed my tripod.  

After getting the right shot we headed back to the deck to find our plates completely empty….. we had left Oakley alone with 5 plates with varying amounts of pristine steaks. 

We were laughing and in shock. There wasn’t a single scrap of fat left behind.  We quickly realized that the security camera on the back deck may have captured the debacle.  We all gathered around as Jason scrolled to the right time frame on his phone and we watched as Oakley went to town on our dinner.  We were laughing hysterically and I’m including the picture of her snatching about 6 ounces of what was left of my steak. 

Throughout my time at the lake house I ran on the surrounding gravel roads and in the nearby neighborhood.  It was hot and dry and dusty.  It was particularly challenging to do speed work on gravel but the views made up for all the struggles; I just had to make sure I was looking out for moose. Part of my running program includes 2 days of strength particularly catered towards runners.  On Tuesday I worked out on the back deck with the best view and on Thursday Camryn joined me for my workout on the downstairs patio.  We had an absolute blast working out and choreographing our moves.  Camryn and I shared quite a bond and she became my sidekick throughout my time in Montana.  She’s a hilarious, creative, badass who I am so glad I got to meet.

My last run was the Friday before I left.  I ran in the morning which I never do- I don’t feel hydrated or fueled enough on morning runs but I was trying to beat the heat that would roll in as the day progressed.  My legs were concrete from the week of workouts and not taking my typical Friday rest day (I couldn’t run Saturday because I would be on the road). 

When I got back I was overwhelmed with anxiety.  I couldn’t get my appetite to kick in but knew eating would make me feel better.  I also kept reminding myself the day before a travel day I usually have higher anxiety.  The in between of not having a place to stay is unsettling to my anxiety.  I was also sad and anxious to leave the security of being with Pam and her family. 

We were planning to go to Virginia City that afternoon after Camryn was done with school.  I kept thinking I was going to need to tell Pam I couldn’t go with them and that I needed to stay home to calm my anxiety.  I couldn’t imagine riding in the car with all the anxiety I was feeling. 

Luckily Caden said he was bored and Pam suggested he get a card game from downstairs and the three of us would play while waiting for Cami.  I can’t express how much I didn’t want to play.  My anxiety was all consuming.  I told myself I’d play one round.

Pam dealt the cards for Sushi-Go and we got started.  It was everything I needed; distraction and fun.  Before I knew it we were a couple rounds in, my anxiety had dissipated, and I was looking forward to our drive to Virginia City.  It’s wild how anxiety can take over and then release me.  It’s like being tumbled by a wave in the ocean- losing your breath and not knowing which way is up or if it will ever spit you back out.  Then all of sudden you’re lying on the beach with sand in your teeth but you’re fine and the sun is shining and you’re free from the grip of the wave and you can’t believe you ever thought it would keep you forever. 

Virginia city is an old mining town that maintains its original candor.  Many of the shops have been preserved like walking through an outdoor museum.  We walked around, the kids got candy at the candy store, and then we headed back to the lake. 

On my last night we went to the campground to cookout with Pam and Jason’s longtime friends who are the most thoughtful and hilarious people. We ate, made a fire, and watched the sun set and the lightning crack in distant clouds.  They asked about my trip with wonder and support and one of the couples who is from Palm Springs offered to host me when I’m in Southern California in the fall.  We are hoping our timing aligns as they stay at the campground May through October. 

Getting back to the house it was time to say goodbye to the kids as I would be leaving early in the morning.  They each said goodbye to Benny and then showered me with hugs.  These kids made my Montana trip; they are thoughtful, hilarious, independent, brave rockstars that I am so honored to know. 

Pam was up when I headed off early on Saturday morning. There aren’t enough words to thank her for all she gave me; her generosity, her prioritizing spending time with me, and housing me.  We are committed to getting my mom and sister and her sister Robin (also a favorite babysitter) and her family to come out for a lake vacation/reunion next summer.  I hope we make this happen. 

Montana, you brought my spirit back to life.  Chicago knocked me to my knees and then I nursed my wounds in Denver and you, you touched my soul.

Leaving Denver for Bozeman, MT it was 80 degrees and I had on flip flops and a tank top.  After a 10 hour drive through the beautiful rolling green hills and snow covered mountains of Colorado and Wyoming I made it to Bozeman where it had snowed the day before and it was about 35 degrees.  Holy transition. 

A side note on driving- when I was in 4th grade my class memorized all 50 state capitals. For some reason I enjoyed this immensely and would recite them for anyone who asked and when I couldn’t sleep or had a nightmare.  It has been unexpectedly fun for me to drive through the capitals of states I never imagined ever visiting (see: Cheyenne Wyoming).

Arriving in my sandals to snow on the ground I found my beautiful AirBnB. It was a cute “bunkhouse” on a farm property. I had a full 1 bedroom with living room, dining room and full kitchen (with a dishwasher!!). After thinking I was at the perfect AirBnB I got in what looked like the perfect shower with a large waterfall head to wash the road trip off –  unfortunately each small stream of water went in wildly different directions which made showering a major chore. Luckily, I only had the crazy shower for a week. 

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I’ve been scoping out some dating apps throughout my whole trip even though during the first few months I wasn’t matching/liking anyone because of COVID- I still wanted to see what the dating pool was like in each city. I woke up my first morning in Bozeman to 45 Hinge matches which is NOT the norm. I was excited because I was feeling comfortable (and vaccinated) enough to try dating again. I started talking to a few guys and made plans to go on a date with a SUPER attractive guy, Brock, after hitting it off talking about rap karaoke, for the next day/Monday (more on this later).

I spent my first morning walking around downtown Bozeman. I went to Treeline Coffee and ordered from a super sweet cashier/barista then went to find the local bookstore, Country Bookshelf. It was the cutest shop with an upper level balcony also packed with books. I checked out several cute shops looking for a sticker for my cargo pack and other fun local things. My favorite shop was a local queer women owned shop, Intrigue Ink, they had the cutest softest shirts and I ended up getting an awesome Bozeman hat and some stickers. 

The main reason Bozeman was on my itinerary was to visit a very special childhood friend. Pam and my parents were best friends and we spent a ton of time with her family. Pam and her younger sister Robin babysat my sister and I throughout my childhood and I have so many fun memories with them. I hadn’t seen Pam in close to 20 years. 

My first Sunday afternoon Pam and I made plans to meet at the local hot springs pool and for me to meet her family for the first time.  Pam, Jason, her son Caden, and her daughter Camryn stayed at the hot springs while cold rain came down and hot steam rose from the pools and we talked and caught up for a few hours like no time had passed.  After the pools we all got dinner together and continued catching up. The kids cracked up at our old pictures which I had to include here. 

I saw my clients on Monday then skipped my run to get ready for my date with Brock. We were planning to meet at 8pm at The Cannery which I later found out was a local dive bar. He texted me at 7:30, “Hey I’m playing golf and the people in front of us are really slow. Can we do closer to 9? I got the first round.” I was a little annoyed because I skipped my run and the whole “I got the first round” rubbed me the wrong way. I always offer to split the check on dates and truly have no problem with it as I can only imagine how expensive that can get if guys (in hetero dating) have to pay for everything but it just doesn’t need to be put out there in a text that you’re planning to split it. It’s also always appreciated on the first date if he does get the check. 

Anyways, I texted back being as understanding as possible and fighting the urge to cancel because dating is so uncomfortable, “Yea no worries- and if it’s too much we could always go out Wednesday instead.” After sending that text I proceeded to wait 2 hours for any kind of response. As 9pm came and went, I washed my makeup off, put my curled hair in a bun, changed into comfy clothes, and poured myself a glass of wine realizing I just got stood up on my first date in a year and a half. Thanks, Brock. 

At close to 10pm I got a message, “I just got home. I feel so bad. There was league tonight. What are you up to?”

Seriously!?

The next morning I responded, “You truly disrespected me and my time. I completely understand that unplanned things come up and I was totally fine being flexible but not responding for 2 hours while I was dressed and waiting to meet is bullshit.” 

To my surprise, he texted back about an hour later, “I understand. I’m sorry.” 

I have to be honest, I appreciated the apology and not getting any excuses back.  I highly doubt I would have received a similar response from a Boston guy. 

Tuesday was sunny and 55 degrees and I got my run in. I ran on dirt roads through fields with beautiful mountains surrounding me.  At one point a road worker had me stop while a truck passed their construction site and I had some panicky anxiety rush through me (no idea why). I had that urge to turn back home but I was able to take a few deep breaths, walk for a 10th of a mile and continue on. 

Tuesday evening I met Pam and her family at Montana Ale Works for dinner and had a delicious Huckleberry Moscow Mule- huckleberries are a locally grown berry similar to blueberries. We had a great time talking and joking as I showed them my dating apps and we talked about my awful dating experiences. 

Wednesday night after work I went to Pam’s house for homemade buffalo wings and to hangout.  After dinner Pam, Jason, and I went to Plonk, a ‘hip’ wine bar with good vibes, for a couple drinks. 

Thursday I was done seeing clients by noon so I met up with Pam and the kids at Story Mill Park to do my speed workout.  The kids brought their bikes and road along with Pam and I as we did separate running workouts. Her youngest Camryn stayed by my side cheering me on the whole time. Caden took turns staying with me and his mom. 

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After completing the workout we grabbed lunch at Starseed vegan food truck which was parked just up the road. We made plans to go for a hike the next day.

A fun connection I was able to make in Bozeman was with a friend of one of my good friends.  

A quick backstory- during COVID many of my friends on Instagram participated in a book exchange.  I received about 8 books from people around the country I had never met; some came with a note and others just the book.  One book I received, Desert Solitude, came with a long message on a postcard tucked into the first page. It came from a guy in Montana named Richard. 

When my friend Michaela found out Bozeman was on my itinerary she told me she would connect me with Richard to get together with while I was there. 

On Thursday evening I headed to Richard’s house to have a couple drinks by a fire with him and a few of his friends.  His house is in the middle of nowhere, up a dirt road with no trespassing signs, and has the best view in Bozeman. Drinking a local cider by the fire with a view of the sun setting over Bozeman with the mountains surrounding the city was breathtaking. Once the sun went down Bozeman turned into a mass of sparkling lights below. 

It was great to hang out with a fellow New Engalnder (his friends who came by were all also from New England). We talked about Tom Brady and Cam Newton and their interesting jobs as search and rescue consultants in the mountains.

While joking around about being stood up on my date earlier in the week and sharing dating app horror stories his friend, Eric, and I decided we were going to go on a date the next night. He was attractive and funny and I liked that while they were talking about their jobs the guys gave him a hard time for not being afraid to tell some of the local higher ups to shove it when they were doing shady things. The guys might have been giving him a hard time but standing up for what they believe in is definitely a trait I want in a partner. So after staying up too late, trying to be cool and drink an old fashioned, and convincing Eric to take me on a date I headed back to my AirBnB.

After getting home close to 3am I let Pam know I would need to reschedule our hike. 

Friday morning I relaxed in bed and got a slow start until I got 2 calls from Bozeman numbers. I didn’t answer because the only person I know in Bozeman is Pam and I have her number saved. I noticed they left a message. It was my AirBnB host letting me know the cleaners had arrived and I had missed my check out…..what?!

I thought I was checking out Saturday!

My plans were to spend the second week at Pam’s lake house starting Saturday. I called my host back absolutely mortified with tears in my throat apologizing.  She was exceptionally gracious and said the cleaners would be back in an hour and a half if I could just be out by then.

It was 11:30am and check out was at 10.  I frantically packed all my things, grabbed my clothes from the dryer and threw them into a bin, cleaned up, said goodbye to the terrible shower, and was out of there in 30 minutes.

I drove away sweating with my nervous system humming with anxiety.  I parked in an Arby’s parking lot and called Pam to ask if I could head to the lake house with them a night early.  She told me that was fine and to head to her house with Benny so I could go grocery shopping for the lake house which I had originally planned to do that afternoon.

I got to Pam’s and she was watering flowers in the front yard. She met me in the driveway and I told her I was probably going to cry so she gave me a hug while I brushed away tears and then we headed inside to get Benny settled in a room in their basement they had dedicated to foster kittens in.  Pam has a dog and 2 cats so we were able to keep everyone happy with Benny downstairs. 

Her kiddos were excited to meet the famous Benny and they sat with him the whole time I ran to the grocery store.

I texted Eric to let him know I wouldn’t be in Bozeman that evening for our date and asked if we could reschedule and that I’d come back one night the following week. He said yes and that it was better for him too because he had some work functions that night and the next but that he’d love to get together the following week.  

Spoiler: I never heard from Eric again. Was it because I was only in town for a short time? Was it because I was honest and when he asked if I wanted to do dinner or drinks I said drinks because I’m too anxious on first dates to eat? I’ll never know, but regardless, when is comes to attractive partner traits I know accepting that I have anxiety is a huge one.  I can’t say I’m not disappointed but I also believe the universe is going to have my back on this so I’m ok waiting for the right one.

As soon as Pam’s husband’s truck was packed to the brim with kayaks, kids, and their dog, Oalkey; pulling a trailer with a skid steer was attached; Benny and I got back in the Mazda and we headed off to the lake house about an hour away. 

The drive from Madison to Denver was pretty boring- farm after farm of bare fields due to the time of year. I was pretty anxious and kept expecting to all of a sudden feel differently when I tried to breathe as the elevation increased. I’ve always had a fear of tornadoes and on my drive across Nebraska the skies darkened to a navy/black and it poured. As I crossed over the Colorado border the sun came out ahead of me and the landscape changed to beautiful green rocky hills. 

My anxiety was pretty high throughout the 3 weeks I was in Denver. I think my body was still processing out all of the leftover anxiety from my last week in Chicago. 

The weather wasn’t ideal during my time in Denver. There were a lot of rainy days and when I first arrived I couldn’t see the mountains for the first 3 days; I started to wonder if you could actually see them from Denver. As soon as it cleared up, low and behold, I could see the beautiful Rockies.

My first cold, rainy Monday I headed out for a 3 mile run, unsure of what to expect. To my amazement I felt fine running and didn’t notice a difference in my breath. Throughout my stay I ran through different neighborhoods and regularly ran at City Park. The park is huge and beautiful. I could feel the elevation while doing speed workouts and on my longer runs I would gas out and get thirsty quicker due to how dry it is. Overall, I truly enjoyed running in Denver. 

The first Friday it was 80 degrees and sunny and I went downtown to explore Larimer Square which I found to be overrated. I found much cuter neighborhoods and restaurants in other areas of Denver. While I was in Larimer I sat outside and had a drink and then headed over to Humbolt Kitchen and Bar for a delicious dinner. 

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My first Saturday I headed to Red Rocks Amphitheater early because there were predictions of thunderstorms in the afternoon. Red Rocks may be the most magical attraction I have visited on my trip. The amphitheater and the surrounding landscape and hiking trails are absolutely breathtaking.  I sat for a while and people watched as many people go to workout and run the stairs.  I can only imagine seeing the stars come out while at a concert. 

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Wrapping up my first weekend I went Dos Santos for some amazing tacos after a friend of a friend recommended it. 

I found several amazing coffee shops in Denver. The Corner Beet was a great spot for coffee, homemade coffee flavors, and Mexican inspired tofu scrambles. Quince coffee is in an old Victorian home and all the rooms are set up as separate dining areas. I loved getting their blueberry vanilla lattes. I also love Honey Hill Cafe which felt more upscale and had great vibes and a beautiful patio. 

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It was extremely hard to find an affordable AirBnB in Denver and the one I ended up staying in had a kitchenette- not a full kitchen. Luckily I brought my Ninja Foodi on the trip and knew I could make it work for 3 weeks. I experimented with some new recipes including dairy free potato soup and an Indian style rice and chicken. 

During my stay I was able to meet up with a cousin I haven’t seen in about 25 years. We got drinks (delicious frosé) at White Pie and then headed over the Mile High Station to see actual live music for the first time in over a year. We had a great time catching up and sharing memories. 

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My second weekend the weather was overcast with occasional rain. I drove up to Genesee in search of Buffalo, which I didn’t find, but did get to enjoy the views from Lookout Mountain.  I headed to Golden next which was the cutest town ever. I got a coffee and walked around downtown shopping and people watching. The college just graduated and there were graduates and their families everywhere. There’s a shallow river that runs through town with a walking path. I walked along the river and met a family from Flagstaff which is where I’ll be staying when I’m in Arizona later on in my trip. I found a hotel restaurant on the river and the hostess snuck me onto the beautiful deck ahead of the 45 minute wait list because I was on my own and I enjoyed a mimosa and some hummus. 

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One of the neighborhoods I loved exploring was Five Points which is now referred to as RINO (River North Arts District) after quite a bit of gentrification. I walked around checking out the Crush Walls which are the home of many street art murals. I also walked by Platform Strength which is a functional fitness gym owned and run by my favorite old Road Rules cast member. I finished my exploring with a delicious flight at Stem Cider. 

Another rainy weekend, I found a highly recommended bookstore, Tattered Cover, and spent about an hour wandering around with a coffee. My favorite part were the old theatre chairs and church pews throughout for sitting and reading. After sufficiently exploring Tattered Cover I went to tour the Margaret Brown House Museum aka the Unsinkable Molly Brown who survived the Titanic.  I was in a group with 2 sisters from Montana and we chatted the whole time while exploring, listening to the audio tour, and helping each other take pictures. 

I got my nails done while in Denver and while I miss getting a gel manicure in Boston that actually lasts longer than a week (yes I’ve been disappointed in Asheville, Nashville, and Denver) I met a wonderful woman who gave me a bunch of recommendations for places to explore in Denver and Boulder. 

When I first moved to South Boston I lived in an amazing 4 bedroom house where there was a consistent rotation of new female roommates coming in as one moved out. One of those roommates, Pasha, lives in Denver now. We were able to meet up at City Park golf course and catch up over drinks while watching the sunset over downtown Denver and the Rockies. 

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On my last Thursday, knowing I didn’t get to hike as I planned due to predicted storms each afternoon, I finished work and booked it to Boulder. I made it time to hike the Flatirons while thunder cracked in the distance. Huge raindrops fell sporadically as I continued my climb. The stormy weather bonded us as hikers as we would all say hi and check in with each other as we passed and reassessed our perceived safety. 

After falling in love with the views on my hike I went to Pearl Street which reminds me of Burlington VT; a red brick street closed to traffic with shops and restaurants for blocks and continued falling in love with Boulder. 

As I scoped out restaurants to enjoy a glass of wine I walked by a patio and noticed an attractive man sitting alone at a table. I promptly decided I would sit at the adjacent table and see what happened.  As I hoped,I struck up a conversation with him and we ended up chatting over a couple drinks. He had an amazing English accent, was living the van life as a landscape photographer and had also lived in San Francisco the last 7 years and had tips for California including to figure out how to not get my car broken into while in San Fran. We exchanged numbers and as we hugged and headed in different directions he said the side of Pearl Street I had yet to explore was more touristy and less impressive. Soon after parting I got a text from him that he was on a beautiful roof deck if I wanted to meet back up. He was right about the other end of Pearl Street so I headed back in the direction I came to have another drink and some appetizers with my new good looking friend. 

Due to graduation reservations we couldn’t stay long at the roof deck table so we headed to a Japanese restaurant where I tried sake for the first time. Unfortunately, the night takes a turn here- he started talking (see: monologuing) about alien abductions and interbreeding for far longer than I would like to admit. Then as we settled out and he paid because I had half a glass of sake to his 4 I saw that he left our server $3 on a $65 tab. I was mortified especially after being a server and knowing we took up her seats for a good amount of her night (talking about said aliens). We finally headed out and said our goodbyes. I snuck around a corner and waited for him to be out of sight and then went back into the bar to find our server to have her charge my credit card $0.10 so I could then leave her a real tip. 

Overall I loved Denver and Boulder. I know they typically have much better weather than I experienced. I loved both the beauty and the outdoor active vibes in both places. I would love to go back and spend more time in both cities, hike more, and get to Rocky Mountain National Park.

On my way from Chicago to Denver I stopped in Madison, Wisconsin to visit the other grad school friend I was slated to run the 2010 half with in Chicago. 

I met her at her house so I could say hi to her husband and meet her youngest son. We were going to go to a beer garden on the lake near her house but it was the windiest weather I have ever experienced and we quickly turned around to go back to her house.

We enjoyed wine and Biden beer on her back deck until the wind chased us inside.

Rachel took me to Capital Square which is the downtown area of Madison. There are tons of restaurants and shops. There also happened to be tons of graduates, prom goers, and 2 hour waitlists. 

We got super lucky and had an amazing dinner at an Asian restaurant. We caught up like it hadn’t been over a decade since we last saw each other. 

I was extremely anxious but not panic attack level anxious. I was worried after having such a hard time in Chicago 2 nights prior that I would have an anxiety attack in front a friend who literally last saw me at my most panicked. It took a lot of focus to stay calm and grounded and I’m so grateful I was able to. 

It’s hard to know why I couldn’t ground myself Thursday but could on Friday and Saturday. This aspect of anxiety is confusing and frustrating. Is it something I do right? Or wrong? Or worse, is it completely out of my control?

Adding to my anxiety was the looming drive to Denver.  I was really worried about spending 14 hours driving through the middle of nowhere heading towards the mile high city where I was worried the altitude would make it hard to breathe and trigger my anxiety to spike more.  The anxious brain is exhausting but off I go.

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I didnt get any pictures of Rachel and I or of Madison but I did get Benny loving the hotel chair and this Biden beer.

Also a bird shit on my head packing up my car to leave Madison and I’ve heard it’s good luck because this is the THIRD time this has happened to me. Thank you, Universe??