Magical Montana (Pt. 1 Bozeman, MT)

Leaving Denver for Bozeman, MT it was 80 degrees and I had on flip flops and a tank top.  After a 10 hour drive through the beautiful rolling green hills and snow covered mountains of Colorado and Wyoming I made it to Bozeman where it had snowed the day before and it was about 35 degrees.  Holy transition. 

A side note on driving- when I was in 4th grade my class memorized all 50 state capitals. For some reason I enjoyed this immensely and would recite them for anyone who asked and when I couldn’t sleep or had a nightmare.  It has been unexpectedly fun for me to drive through the capitals of states I never imagined ever visiting (see: Cheyenne Wyoming).

Arriving in my sandals to snow on the ground I found my beautiful AirBnB. It was a cute “bunkhouse” on a farm property. I had a full 1 bedroom with living room, dining room and full kitchen (with a dishwasher!!). After thinking I was at the perfect AirBnB I got in what looked like the perfect shower with a large waterfall head to wash the road trip off –  unfortunately each small stream of water went in wildly different directions which made showering a major chore. Luckily, I only had the crazy shower for a week. 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

I’ve been scoping out some dating apps throughout my whole trip even though during the first few months I wasn’t matching/liking anyone because of COVID- I still wanted to see what the dating pool was like in each city. I woke up my first morning in Bozeman to 45 Hinge matches which is NOT the norm. I was excited because I was feeling comfortable (and vaccinated) enough to try dating again. I started talking to a few guys and made plans to go on a date with a SUPER attractive guy, Brock, after hitting it off talking about rap karaoke, for the next day/Monday (more on this later).

I spent my first morning walking around downtown Bozeman. I went to Treeline Coffee and ordered from a super sweet cashier/barista then went to find the local bookstore, Country Bookshelf. It was the cutest shop with an upper level balcony also packed with books. I checked out several cute shops looking for a sticker for my cargo pack and other fun local things. My favorite shop was a local queer women owned shop, Intrigue Ink, they had the cutest softest shirts and I ended up getting an awesome Bozeman hat and some stickers. 

The main reason Bozeman was on my itinerary was to visit a very special childhood friend. Pam and my parents were best friends and we spent a ton of time with her family. Pam and her younger sister Robin babysat my sister and I throughout my childhood and I have so many fun memories with them. I hadn’t seen Pam in close to 20 years. 

My first Sunday afternoon Pam and I made plans to meet at the local hot springs pool and for me to meet her family for the first time.  Pam, Jason, her son Caden, and her daughter Camryn stayed at the hot springs while cold rain came down and hot steam rose from the pools and we talked and caught up for a few hours like no time had passed.  After the pools we all got dinner together and continued catching up. The kids cracked up at our old pictures which I had to include here. 

I saw my clients on Monday then skipped my run to get ready for my date with Brock. We were planning to meet at 8pm at The Cannery which I later found out was a local dive bar. He texted me at 7:30, “Hey I’m playing golf and the people in front of us are really slow. Can we do closer to 9? I got the first round.” I was a little annoyed because I skipped my run and the whole “I got the first round” rubbed me the wrong way. I always offer to split the check on dates and truly have no problem with it as I can only imagine how expensive that can get if guys (in hetero dating) have to pay for everything but it just doesn’t need to be put out there in a text that you’re planning to split it. It’s also always appreciated on the first date if he does get the check. 

Anyways, I texted back being as understanding as possible and fighting the urge to cancel because dating is so uncomfortable, “Yea no worries- and if it’s too much we could always go out Wednesday instead.” After sending that text I proceeded to wait 2 hours for any kind of response. As 9pm came and went, I washed my makeup off, put my curled hair in a bun, changed into comfy clothes, and poured myself a glass of wine realizing I just got stood up on my first date in a year and a half. Thanks, Brock. 

At close to 10pm I got a message, “I just got home. I feel so bad. There was league tonight. What are you up to?”

Seriously!?

The next morning I responded, “You truly disrespected me and my time. I completely understand that unplanned things come up and I was totally fine being flexible but not responding for 2 hours while I was dressed and waiting to meet is bullshit.” 

To my surprise, he texted back about an hour later, “I understand. I’m sorry.” 

I have to be honest, I appreciated the apology and not getting any excuses back.  I highly doubt I would have received a similar response from a Boston guy. 

Tuesday was sunny and 55 degrees and I got my run in. I ran on dirt roads through fields with beautiful mountains surrounding me.  At one point a road worker had me stop while a truck passed their construction site and I had some panicky anxiety rush through me (no idea why). I had that urge to turn back home but I was able to take a few deep breaths, walk for a 10th of a mile and continue on. 

Tuesday evening I met Pam and her family at Montana Ale Works for dinner and had a delicious Huckleberry Moscow Mule- huckleberries are a locally grown berry similar to blueberries. We had a great time talking and joking as I showed them my dating apps and we talked about my awful dating experiences. 

Wednesday night after work I went to Pam’s house for homemade buffalo wings and to hangout.  After dinner Pam, Jason, and I went to Plonk, a ‘hip’ wine bar with good vibes, for a couple drinks. 

Thursday I was done seeing clients by noon so I met up with Pam and the kids at Story Mill Park to do my speed workout.  The kids brought their bikes and road along with Pam and I as we did separate running workouts. Her youngest Camryn stayed by my side cheering me on the whole time. Caden took turns staying with me and his mom. 

• 

• 

• 

After completing the workout we grabbed lunch at Starseed vegan food truck which was parked just up the road. We made plans to go for a hike the next day.

A fun connection I was able to make in Bozeman was with a friend of one of my good friends.  

A quick backstory- during COVID many of my friends on Instagram participated in a book exchange.  I received about 8 books from people around the country I had never met; some came with a note and others just the book.  One book I received, Desert Solitude, came with a long message on a postcard tucked into the first page. It came from a guy in Montana named Richard. 

When my friend Michaela found out Bozeman was on my itinerary she told me she would connect me with Richard to get together with while I was there. 

On Thursday evening I headed to Richard’s house to have a couple drinks by a fire with him and a few of his friends.  His house is in the middle of nowhere, up a dirt road with no trespassing signs, and has the best view in Bozeman. Drinking a local cider by the fire with a view of the sun setting over Bozeman with the mountains surrounding the city was breathtaking. Once the sun went down Bozeman turned into a mass of sparkling lights below. 

It was great to hang out with a fellow New Engalnder (his friends who came by were all also from New England). We talked about Tom Brady and Cam Newton and their interesting jobs as search and rescue consultants in the mountains.

While joking around about being stood up on my date earlier in the week and sharing dating app horror stories his friend, Eric, and I decided we were going to go on a date the next night. He was attractive and funny and I liked that while they were talking about their jobs the guys gave him a hard time for not being afraid to tell some of the local higher ups to shove it when they were doing shady things. The guys might have been giving him a hard time but standing up for what they believe in is definitely a trait I want in a partner. So after staying up too late, trying to be cool and drink an old fashioned, and convincing Eric to take me on a date I headed back to my AirBnB.

After getting home close to 3am I let Pam know I would need to reschedule our hike. 

Friday morning I relaxed in bed and got a slow start until I got 2 calls from Bozeman numbers. I didn’t answer because the only person I know in Bozeman is Pam and I have her number saved. I noticed they left a message. It was my AirBnB host letting me know the cleaners had arrived and I had missed my check out…..what?!

I thought I was checking out Saturday!

My plans were to spend the second week at Pam’s lake house starting Saturday. I called my host back absolutely mortified with tears in my throat apologizing.  She was exceptionally gracious and said the cleaners would be back in an hour and a half if I could just be out by then.

It was 11:30am and check out was at 10.  I frantically packed all my things, grabbed my clothes from the dryer and threw them into a bin, cleaned up, said goodbye to the terrible shower, and was out of there in 30 minutes.

I drove away sweating with my nervous system humming with anxiety.  I parked in an Arby’s parking lot and called Pam to ask if I could head to the lake house with them a night early.  She told me that was fine and to head to her house with Benny so I could go grocery shopping for the lake house which I had originally planned to do that afternoon.

I got to Pam’s and she was watering flowers in the front yard. She met me in the driveway and I told her I was probably going to cry so she gave me a hug while I brushed away tears and then we headed inside to get Benny settled in a room in their basement they had dedicated to foster kittens in.  Pam has a dog and 2 cats so we were able to keep everyone happy with Benny downstairs. 

Her kiddos were excited to meet the famous Benny and they sat with him the whole time I ran to the grocery store.

I texted Eric to let him know I wouldn’t be in Bozeman that evening for our date and asked if we could reschedule and that I’d come back one night the following week. He said yes and that it was better for him too because he had some work functions that night and the next but that he’d love to get together the following week.  

Spoiler: I never heard from Eric again. Was it because I was only in town for a short time? Was it because I was honest and when he asked if I wanted to do dinner or drinks I said drinks because I’m too anxious on first dates to eat? I’ll never know, but regardless, when is comes to attractive partner traits I know accepting that I have anxiety is a huge one.  I can’t say I’m not disappointed but I also believe the universe is going to have my back on this so I’m ok waiting for the right one.

As soon as Pam’s husband’s truck was packed to the brim with kayaks, kids, and their dog, Oalkey; pulling a trailer with a skid steer was attached; Benny and I got back in the Mazda and we headed off to the lake house about an hour away.