Scottsdale (Pt 1)

Leaving San Diego was hard. Each stop from this point on leads me closer to home and closer to the end of my trip; I guess we could say every single stop has led me closer to the end but I was making my way further across the country and timezones so it felt much different. 

Driving from San Diego to Scottsdale I drove by the Mexican Border.  It was emotional to see the tall black fence dissecting the windswept desert dunes.  Tears stung in the corners of my eyes as I thought about the privilege of having my toes in the sand on this side of the obscure fence and not the other. 

After driving hours through desolate sand and rocks the city of Phoenix appeared suddenly and forcefully out of the abyss. 

It was hot the entire time I was in Scottsdale with temperatures close to 90 most days.  My anxiety does not love excessive heat due to the combination of typical panic disorder fears combined with watching my dad get heat exhaustion after responding to a motor vehicle accident as a firefighter when I was a kid.  I had one of my first ever panic attacks the day after we took him to the hospital for this.  It also didn’t help that everyone kept telling me about how dangerous the heat in Arizona is.  

On my first Friday evening in town I went to WineGirl which is basically bachelorette Instagram heaven.  While I enjoyed some Brut Rosé Brut and a white wine flight I started talking to two women who came in and sat near me at the bar. Samantha was from Connecticut but lives in Scottsdale and Stephanie was visiting Scottsdale on business and lives near Austin (I’m going to make her hang out with me when I get to Texas). 

As we were talking about my plans to hike while in Scottsdale they mentioned the heat and being sure to bring water on hikes and to go as early as possible.  They also told me a wild story about how a woman came to Scottsdale to meet a guy she met on a dating app; they went on a hike without water and she turned back before him and wandered into someone’s backyard and died of dehydration and heat stroke. This was quite possibly the least helpful story I could have heard.

I set my alarm for 5 o’clock the next morning to get an early start heading to the Grand Canyon but I just couldn’t do it.  I was so anxious about the heat that it took me 4 hours to convince myself to get out of bed.  After much debate I convinced myself I would regret not seeing it and that even if I drive there to see it and come right back it would be worth it; so off I (finally) went.  

I have to manage my anxiety when driving in the middle of nowhere.  I get anxious about needing help and being far from help, this worsens when I don’t have cellphone service.  Anxiety can creep in with the most wild thoughts. For example, on my way to the Grand Canyon I grabbed some seafood salad and had several thoughts about how I will be the person who gets a seafood allergy out of the blue and dies stranded without help in the middle of the Arizona desert as my throat closes.  I’m pretty good at managing these thoughts but that doesn’t mean my body doesn’t react on it’s own. I have found that acupressure really helps this. 

When I arrived at Grand Canyon National park I took a right hoping to find parking and to then find the canyon but almost immediately after making the turn the Grand Canyon materialized to my left and I burst into tears.  It was magnificent and gorgeous and awe-inspiring and I hadn’t even gotten out of the car.  

I parked easily and walked over to the paved path along the South Rim while tears streamed down my face.  The 4 hours to convince myself to go, the 4 hour drive there, and the 4 hour drive back (yes, I forwent my Airbnb and drove all the way back the same day) were 100% worth it to see this once in a lifetime view. 

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After spending some time at the canyon I headed to the visitor center because, while my seafood salad did not cause a random unlikely allergic reaction I did find out that it had gluten in it (yes, all the tuna salad, seafood salad and chicken salad I found in AZ had breadcrumbs…?) so I was hungry and lightheaded which is something I avoid at all costs to prevent unnecessary anxiety. 

Thank the canyon gods, they had sandwiches with gluten free bread at the visitors center.

After pausing for sustenance, I continued exploring which included slamming on my breaks for an elk who decided to stop while crossing the road and seeing a herd of wild horses.  After spending a short period of time enamored with the view I drove back to Scottsdale.

The next weekend I made plans to go to Sedona and Flagstaff and had truly been looking forward to anxiety free hiking in the cooler high altitude weather.

The afternoon before I left for Sedona I was in the pool at the condo complex and a group of women on a bachelorette party came in.  A friendly older man started talking to them about their extensive hiking plans and of course he started telling them that it’s so dry in Sedona you have to excessively hydrate to hike because “it sucks the water right out of you.” 

Cue anxiety voice snickering. 

Driving into Sedona the view was epic perfection, deep forest green vegetation and rust red dirt spanning as far as the eye can see with massive mesas rising out of the earth.  

First up, Indian Gardens Cafe & Market. This was my first stop after arriving to grab some lunch.  It is a whole food (yay gluten free bread!) market place/deli/cafe.  I ordered a sandwich of hot turkey, Fresno mayo, fontina, tomato jam, pickled onions with a side of potato salad and a mason jar of fresh apple cider.  I sat and ate my lunch in a beautiful courtyard with water fountains, greenery, and adorable blankets for guests to use, as needed.  The locals were taking advantage of the blankets while my New England ass was in a tank top and sandals- it was like 70 degrees!

Sedona is known for its vortexes which are “swirling centers of energy that are conducive to healing, meditation, and self exploration.” The energy can be entering into the earth or projecting away from it.  The vortexes are usually places to hike to.

After my delicious lunch I went to hike the Airport Mesa trail which is a vortex location. The trail circumvents the large hill that the small airport is on top of.  I parked and hiked down the hill to the mesa (a mesa is a hill or ridge with a flat top like a table).  

After climbing to the top I sat alongside the other meditative folks feeling the vortex vibes. Even though it was overcast the view was incredible. 

After hiking back to my car I went to Crystal Magic to explore the most extensive healing arts store I’ve ever been to. 

The AirBnB I rented was a room in a large beautiful home hosted by a kind and welcoming woman. After checking in and changing out of my hiking clothes I went and walked around downtown before heading to dinner.  

Mariposa is a highly recommended Latin restaurant for anyone who finds themselves in Sedona.  It is by reservation only but luckily I got a seat at the bar.  I sat down next to the absolute best group of 2 couples from California, Michael, and his wife, and their friends.  Michael and I immediately hit it off talking about books and travel and life and singing… and everything. Anyone who’s first question to get to know me is “what book are you currently reading?” is my kind of person.  

His wife and I bonded over our love of The Goldfinch and when I mentioned I stayed a few nights in the tiny (almost nonexistent) town of Hornbrook, CA she couldn’t believe I had stayed in her hometown.  Unfortunately they were heading out soon after I got there because I could have talked to them all night.  I’m also still waiting for them to introduce me to their 34 year old single son. 

The bartender, Raymond, was super attractive (read: Mark Ruffalo and Trevor Noah had a love child); I was hoping to hit it off with him but when I asked him what his favorite thing about living in Sedona was his answer was about how excited he is that his kids get to go to school without masks. What? Let me get this straight, you live in one of the most beautiful places in the world and when a tourist asks what you love about it that’s your answer? Thank you, next. 

One fun fact that Raymond did provide is that no one is born in Sedona (unless they’re born in a living room) because the hospital is basically an urgent care and there’s no labor and delivery.  

After Michael and his group left, a woman, Nicole, and her mother sat down next to me.  We bonded over our shared love of oysters, true crime, cats, and our therapists. We exchanged information to stay in touch. 

After a fitful sleep at my Airbnb I went to Local Juicery for amazing breakfast food; I ordered the Myke smoothie and avocado toast after much debate because there are so many amazing items to choose from. 

While I was sitting outside I noticed a conflict of some sort occurring between a younger man who had been sitting outside since I arrived and an older man who arrived later.  I looked over and heard the younger man say, “Can I share transparently that that didn’t make me feel good.”  The older man responded for a few minutes with an air of authority and possibly condescension.  The younger man interrupted him, “Again, I’m going to say that didn’t make me feel good in my body.” 

He was calm and thoughtful in each response and I found it inspiring. How often do we push down and silence ourselves when someone is disrespectful, unkind, or hurtful? Maybe the next generation is figuring out a way to not do that anymore, maybe they’re building a world where young men can softly say, “that doesn’t feel good in my body when you speak to me that way.”

After breakfast I went to hike Soldiers Pass.  The trailhead is about a mile from the overcrowded parking areas and there are signs marking it as one hour parking.  I walked as quickly as possibly to the trailhead to give myself time to hike before having to head back to my car.  At the beginning of the hike I met 2 women from the Midwest who asked me about the Patriots/Tampa Bay game the previous Sunday.  While we were helping each other take pictures by a canyon we heard and then saw a mountain biker slamming on his brakes and sliding away from almost riding directly over the side and into the canyon. 

His friends caught up and none of them seemed to be shocked or concerned about this near death canyon fall we almost witnessed; the 2 girls and I were still trying to get our bearings back while all looking at each other with what the hell just happened faces. 

After my hike I went to Tlaquepaque which is a collection of shops in a beautiful setting where the stucco, artistic tiles, archways, verandas, gates, and cobblestone pathways feel like a traditional Mexican village. I walked around and explored several shops including a book/record store that houses several original works of art by Dr. Suess.  I also stopped at The Chai Spot which is a traditional Indian tea house with a large porch and a few small verandas. 

After finishing my tea, I went back to the Airport Mesa hike to experience it again in the sunshine with clearer views of the rusty mesas rising out of the desert for miles. 

With Sedona being known for vortexes, healing energy, and holistic arts I had to get a tarot card reading while I was there.  After fighting some traffic I arrived for my appointment just in time. 

In my fifteen minute session I was able to ask 3 questions? First, “What’s next?” She told me she saw change and a move and that I would have security and prosperity, and make new connections with the move. 

Second, “Love?” She said I have to heal past traumas before finding a relationship. She also said that in past relationships I was giving more than my partners (which is certainly true).

I can’t think of many comments about my single status that piss me off more than ones about fixing or finding myself first.  How is it that so many people find their partners before they’re whole and fixed and ready but I have to wait?  Second of all, even if I don’t find my person until later, why can’t I have a great 2 year relationship with Mr. We Don’t Grow Together, We Grow Apart just to not be alone year after year, holiday after holiday?

Finally, my last question, “Children?” She said I must feel safe and secure before I could have a child.  This makes sense because my anxiety is a huge piece of my hesitation.  She also called out my confusion around making this decision.  She added that it must be the right partner which confused me a bit because I’ve been seriously considering having a child on my own, without a partner.

After my unsettling reading I went to Shorebird for rosé and oysters.  This is the restaurant I heard Nicole talking about when she sat down next to me at the bar the night before and I have to say the oysters were every bit as good as she described. 

Once I finished up at Shorebird it was time to head up to Flagstaff.  After I dropped my things off at my Airbnb which was another bedroom/bathroom in a family home, I headed to the downtown area to wander and explore. 

Flagstaff reminded me very much of Asheville; it’s another eclectic hippy (mask wearing) mountain town, so obviously I fell in love.  At 7,000 feet of elevation and crispy cool air I was finally able to (breathlessly) break in the Dr. Martins I bought in San Francisco.  

The Main Street of America, Route 66, runs straight through the center of Flagstaff.  Due to my dad being the car guy he is, I was aware of the significance of seeing this historic highway. While I explored all the cute shops I had to grab my dad some fun Route 66 things as Christmas presents (shh… don’t tell him). 

Throughout the afternoon I had been managing a client in crisis including multiple phone calls and as soon as I sat down at the cutest little wine bar I got a call from the psychiatrist at the emergency room my client was taken to.  After speaking with him and then being yelled at and hung up on by my client I went back to reclaim my seat at the bar. 

If you are ever in Flagstaff, you must go to FLG Terroir wine bar.  It’s a loft space with exposed brick, a wall of shelves filled with curated wine bottles; board games, amazing food, and great vibes.  I sat and enjoyed a couple glasses of Tablas Creek Mourvèdre and some butternut squash rotolo while talking to the wine buyer.

For the second night in a row, I tossed and turned all night.  I could feel the elevation and maybe it’s hard for me to sleep in a stranger’s home.  I opened the window to let in the cool mountain air and listened to the distant sounds of someone singing and playing acoustic guitar. 

I woke up early and went to hike a route recommended by the Airbnb host.  There’s a path that starts right down the street from the Airbnb that leads to Buffalo Park which is a nature preserve on top of a mesa.  I walked the 3 mile trail on the lookout for bison.  Truth be told, I’ve been waiting to see bison throughout this trip.  I searched for them in Colorado, thought I’d see them in Montana, and then tried to find them in Arizona… Here’s hoping I get lucky in Texas. 

After my idyllic walk I had some disappointing vegan eggs benedict at Morning Glory, a mediocre coffee from Macy’s, and found out that not one of the many recommended breweries have ciders or anything gluten free. 

I decided it was time to head back to the low desert heat of Scottsdale after an amazing weekend in the high desert.

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